Relationship Relations

On my daily blog crawl today, I came across a post from The Champ of verysmartbrothas.com. This post, titled “Men Are From Easy, Women Are From Interesting,” was loosely centered around a couple having a disagreement but from it sprung the most eloquent way of understanding the way each gender thinks in relationships.

 We [men] want life to be easy. Women want life to be interesting. 

I read that line and stopped. I paused for a second before I reread it. I even said it aloud before it really sunk in as something rarely found online:
A sound piece of relationship knowledge.

I mean, take a second to really think about it. When it’s date night, women will spend hours pulling ourselves together just to look good while I’ve seen some of our male counterparts toss their best permanent press button-down in the dryer and go. We, as women, want things to be fun and exciting. We want to do stuff with our man; learn together, grow together and share experiences. Unfortunately, all too many times our vigor for new things can be headed off by our guy’s “let’s just chill,” mentality which totally extinguishes any spark we had going about the situation. With our egos deflated, this disconnect can be confusing and lead women down a spiral of over-thinking.

Hell, I’ll admit it:
I’m guilty of over-thinking in relationships. It happens to us all.  It’s a pretty typical scene. I start thinking. Dealing with all the thoughts in my head gets frustrating, I get upset then the situation culminates in tears. Why? Because I’m a female with hormones, emotions and this little weird part of my brain exists that winds up imagining the worst possible scenario because my brain just.wont.stop.
There… I said it.
I’m fairly certain every woman has that kind of ridiculously irrational way of thinking from time to time so I don’t feel bad about saying it. Girl secret? I think not, men have known we’re a little zany for a while now.

I’ve known for a while that things just don’t turn out right when you want them to and I’ve proved to myself enough times in the past that getting upset doesn’t help. It’s just a natural reaction, but honestly it hurts worse than it helps. Thinking back, I can definitely attest to that. You know, I used to have an ex who whenever we used to argue he would repeat “chill” to me in a monotone voice over and over again. I never understood why he would do that, taking it as condescending instead of him actually trying to calm me down. At that time, that approach doesn’t work too well but I do applaud his effort to get me to shift my perspective to just calm the hell down. In the long run it worked because I’ve gotten better with the over-thinking. It takes a while to control the initial urge, but it’s possible. You can condition yourself to shake off those feelings of wanting to analyze and just be in the moment. If you can’t change something about someone, change your mind about it. Live in the now and enjoy the life you’re sharing together.

So, while men may be from Easy Street and women dwell in the Land of All that is Interesting, realize that these lands aren’t that far apart. It is possible to meet in the middle, it just takes some communication and understanding from both parties. I have to admit my ex was right, sometimes though you have to just chill.

 

Thoughts on the Easy v. Interesting theory? Have there been times when you’ve gotten frustrated at the stasis in your relationship?

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